Day Four

November 7, 2011

Yesterday I created this blot about My Great Experiment. I got the sitting by a beautiful lake with a cup of tea and immediately got excited about it and began forming the content of such a blog in my head.

When I actually created the blog and started writing my thoughts and feelings from my Journal, many different feelings came up. I have already journaled for three days and I wanted my blog to reflect my journey and consist of my daily writings and preparations for Prayer.

I discovered doing this is very personal and emotional. My relationship wiht God is very private and intimate. Why share this with everyone?

Part of my process is about being honest. Honest to myself about who and what I am. Honest about all my imperfections. Honest about how I am not always the loving human I want to be. Honest about my longing.

Another aspect is to become visible. I have been hiding for too long. I am still hiding and I want to change that. In a way this is also about honesty. To show who I really am.

Some time ago I realized how I was such a great pretender! It was a shock to me to discover how dishonest I was. How being "The good mother - wife - women - you name it" was so important to me.

Changing what feels dishonest begins with the awareness. Then comes self responsibility. Where am I not being honest and why? What am I afraid of?

This blog is my day-to-day reflections during My Great Experiment. It will consist of my writings about emotions, discoveries, doubts. It will develop in its own way. I do not know where it will take me.

About Praying

Today I just asked God to let me feel the inflowing of Divine Love, insted of just saying the Prayer Perfect. I immediately felt loved, and tears started running. I asked God to help me with a personal matter, and I ended this Prayer by thanking God, and telling how grateful I am for everything in my life.

It was a very emotional experience and maybe this instant feeling of love and support, and the immediate contact with my feelings was a result of Divine Love flowing into my soul?

Doing the Prayer Perfect may serve very well. It is a beautiful Prayer. For me it is difficult because I am not used to Praying and I am not familiar with this. But developing a personal relationship with God is - personal, and just by talking to God in your own words from your heart and soul could be the beginning of this relationship.

LOVE ALWAYS,
Connie