This is one of those days I just want to skip. To just erase. To just forget about.
I feel anxious, sad, kind of depressed, like some very sad feelings are just under the surface. I feel a lot of resistance too. I feel like my mind is constantly trying to pull me in a direction where another part of me definetely don't wanna go. It is difficult to feel in contact with my heart and soul. I feel frustrated, like I don't even want to sit here. But I do, because I know this feeling is a sign. A sign of a shift taking place inside me. My internal battle. My struggling with this new path.
I must make friends with this battle. I must embrace it. This softness I am avoiding is the true essence of myself. My fears, my doubts - are also a part of me. Embracing these feelings, making them my companions. It is just signs of lack of love - a place where truth may enter. "There is a crack in everything - that's how the light gets in" (Leonard Cohen).
It is a battle between different parts of me. Which yet is all me. What part will take the lead is up to my decision. I choose heart and soul.
Choosing a random page in the beautiful book "When I Loved Myself Enough" by Kim McMillen:
"When I loved myself enough - I could remember during times of confusion, struggle or grief, that these too are part of me and deserve my love" - so much a reflection of this day...
Ego mind, I wrote you a poem some time ago. A poem to tell you I love you and appreciate you, and I need you also. But every part of me MUST be in service to Love, you also. We are not separate.
Tribute to
my ego
I love you,
ego
I will
listen to your fears
I will
embrace you
You have
been taken care of me for so long
I have
decided though
To let our
heart lead our way from now on
After all
What we
both want
Is for me
to be happy
And our
heart knows our way
So let us
surrender
Into that
knowing
I love you,
ego
Always
♥♥♥
Love always,
Connie
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