April 14, 2012
I haven't been writing for a long time on this blog. Today I feel it is the time to tell you the good news. And to close the blog and write here nomore.
I found God.
What exactly did I do to make this happen, you might ask. It began with a sincere and heartfelt longing, and the flame keeps burning because of the longing for more of God's Divine Love. It is Love without end. It will never let you down. When you first find it it will never disappear.
And how do I know? It is not something I can easily explain. Is it because I have no fear? Is it because I wake up happy everyday? Is it because I feel so grateful for being alive, for the world outside? It is all that and so much more.
God exists. Don't try to understand it, because you cannot. God connects through your soul not through your mind.
It is a journey. Your journey. Noone can do it for you and you need noone and no thing. It is between you and God. It is a personal relationship. It is nice to know, that if it is a true felt desire, you will feel God one day. I know that because it happened to me. And remember I never believed in any God. But you were made to find God and of course you have everything you need right at hand.
On a more practical level, it was really important for me to write. Writing plays a very important part in my connection. It started with prayer and during these last months writing became my prayer. But that will of course be different for you. Because we are all different and you must make the effort to find your own mysterious way. Make it a fun and loving journey.
Prayer is very important. Ask and you shall receive. If prayer is difficult for you as it was for me, do it anyway. It will stir up a lot of emotions and you can ask God for help with these emotions. If there is resistance, talk to God about it. Be honest. Tell God, you don't believe, that you don't trust. God doesn't judge you. God listens to everything you have to say. All the ugly stuff as well. All the things you cannot tell any human being. Tell that to God.
God loves you. If you feel it is hard to experience His / Her love, there could be millions of reasons for that. Ask God about it, talk to God about it. He is there for you. Don't give up.
You are a child of God.
LOVE ALWAYS,
Connie
Saturday, April 14, 2012
Monday, January 16, 2012
January 16, 2012
I begin today by thanking the Angels who answered my prayers about a private matter. I was very worried and you Angels came. Thank you.
I close my eyes and try to imagine the distance between me and God. I realize I feel the touch of God very close and there really are no distance. God is in the air and the Love of God is everywhere. Still my heart hurts and my soul is longing. I feel a distance.
I dive into this feeling of distance and want to know what is keeping me from feeling Gods Love? Why am I holding back? My mind is struggling with questions with no answers and uses this to convince me god doesn't exist and that my search is fruitless and without ending.
I want to change from my mind's searching for proofs to the knowing of my heart. I do this best by recognizing that my mind is a part of me also which is on my side but really afraid of giving up power. I don't wanna fight, this is not a game and there are no winners or loosers.
So I want to say: I love every part of me. God created my soul and I want every part of me to be in service of my soul.
So it is.
LVOE ALWAYS,
Connie
I close my eyes and try to imagine the distance between me and God. I realize I feel the touch of God very close and there really are no distance. God is in the air and the Love of God is everywhere. Still my heart hurts and my soul is longing. I feel a distance.
I dive into this feeling of distance and want to know what is keeping me from feeling Gods Love? Why am I holding back? My mind is struggling with questions with no answers and uses this to convince me god doesn't exist and that my search is fruitless and without ending.
I want to change from my mind's searching for proofs to the knowing of my heart. I do this best by recognizing that my mind is a part of me also which is on my side but really afraid of giving up power. I don't wanna fight, this is not a game and there are no winners or loosers.
So I want to say: I love every part of me. God created my soul and I want every part of me to be in service of my soul.
So it is.
LVOE ALWAYS,
Connie
Sunday, January 8, 2012
January 8, 2012
I haven't finished my entries from Day Eleven until now, they will come. I feel like posting my writings from today.
What is the difference of feeling encouraged and needing approval?
Yesterday I experienced both and yet I am not sure how to distinguish.
I received some lovely comments on my postings on my blog from two people who I feel are my friends even though they are strangers. I felt a deep love coming from these people and I felt encouraged to keep on writing and posting. Fear was dissolved and my heart expanded. It felt almost like joy, a feeling that an important part of me was recognized. A part burried and hidden. A touch of love. An eternal part was awaken and wanted to be seen. A part of my soul was jumping up and down, waving its hands, smiling, as if it has just been waiting for this moment to express itself, and doing so in such a gentle way. This part of me will never judge or push me. This part knows me very well.
I thank you people for your loving presence.
Later the same day I was with a friend. It was a meaningful meeting and I felt a different part of me met and understood. I liked that feeling of sharing stories. Like holding up a mirror making it possible to step aside for a while.
I wanted to be honest. I wanted to reveal something about myself. She is my friend and I felt it important to share this growing part of me even though it made me feel anxious.
I spoke about God and my desire to know Him. I stumbled across the words and I found myself trying to defend myself, feeling her surprise. Did she reject me? Or was it my own fear of not feeling approved?
In such situations I do not know if these feelings are my own projections, my own fear, or whether my friend really thinks that I am going crazy. I couldn't ask, I was too absorbed in my own fear of being judged and rejected.
Do I need others approval to continue my search? No, I feel not. But I fear loosing my friends and I fear letting go of the image I have of myself and the way people sees me. But I will go on and so it is good to feel encouraged by other people.
I don't know what lies beyond this. But I feel there will be more love - Love Without End.
LOVE ALWAYS,
Connie
What is the difference of feeling encouraged and needing approval?
Yesterday I experienced both and yet I am not sure how to distinguish.
I received some lovely comments on my postings on my blog from two people who I feel are my friends even though they are strangers. I felt a deep love coming from these people and I felt encouraged to keep on writing and posting. Fear was dissolved and my heart expanded. It felt almost like joy, a feeling that an important part of me was recognized. A part burried and hidden. A touch of love. An eternal part was awaken and wanted to be seen. A part of my soul was jumping up and down, waving its hands, smiling, as if it has just been waiting for this moment to express itself, and doing so in such a gentle way. This part of me will never judge or push me. This part knows me very well.
I thank you people for your loving presence.
Later the same day I was with a friend. It was a meaningful meeting and I felt a different part of me met and understood. I liked that feeling of sharing stories. Like holding up a mirror making it possible to step aside for a while.
I wanted to be honest. I wanted to reveal something about myself. She is my friend and I felt it important to share this growing part of me even though it made me feel anxious.
I spoke about God and my desire to know Him. I stumbled across the words and I found myself trying to defend myself, feeling her surprise. Did she reject me? Or was it my own fear of not feeling approved?
In such situations I do not know if these feelings are my own projections, my own fear, or whether my friend really thinks that I am going crazy. I couldn't ask, I was too absorbed in my own fear of being judged and rejected.
Do I need others approval to continue my search? No, I feel not. But I fear loosing my friends and I fear letting go of the image I have of myself and the way people sees me. But I will go on and so it is good to feel encouraged by other people.
I don't know what lies beyond this. But I feel there will be more love - Love Without End.
LOVE ALWAYS,
Connie
Thursday, January 5, 2012
Day Eleven - About Divine Guidance
November 18, 2011
Something is changing. It is about honesty and being truthful.
Everyday I feel how being truthful is becoming more and more important to me. The pleaser in me is fading. It is as if pretending doesn't suit me anymore. As if fear is not that dominant anymore. Feelings seems like the only truth to follow - I can trust my feelings.
These days I cry everytime I pray and talk to God. Yesterday I cried for almost an hour, telling Him about my desire to know Him, asking Him to show me my way to do that? There were answers, but I was not sure if these answers were just my imagination.
He told me, that to know Him, I must know my own heart and soul. By that I will get to know Him.
Trust was another way to God. To trust the perfect order of everything.
Both sounds meaningful to me. If God did create my soul, getting to know my own heart and soul will take me to God. Sitting here everyday is a way to get to know my own soul. Trying to write down my feelings and reflections without too much interference. When I sit here I feel alive, I feel nourished.
It becomes difficult when I go out into the world. I feel overwhelmed and sometimes also really sad. I am sometimes not sure I want to be part of this world. I want to make it a better place and know I must make peace with myself to do this.
Yesterday I asked God for help to bring people into my life with whom I can share my feelings, my doubts and longing.
I am on day Five of The Akashic Construct Exercises. It is a training to reach deep alpha and it has an impact on me. I feel closer to my soul. I also experience dizziness and nausea. It is interesting that less than ten minutes with this exercise causes such an effect.
At the moment I am reading two books: Geoff Cutlers book "Is reincarnation an illusion" and Joseph Babinsky's "The Choice". Actually my way to Geoffs' site "A Spiritual Journey" and My Great Experiement was via Joseph Babinsky. All things works in mysterious ways. I want to share how it worked for me, because I feel this is a wonderful example of Divine Guidance.
A few months ago I was recommended by a friend to take a look at A.J. Millers site about Divine Truth and started to watch his videos on YouTube. It didn't really interest me whether A.J. Miller was Jesus reincarnated or not, but it was my first experience with the Divine Love and the Praying for Divine Love and it touched me deeply. What I didn't feel very comfortable about was the need to experience all my past sins and faults and oppressed feelings to actually be able to receive Divine Love. I was told it was because of my unwillingness to feel deep into the core of these emotions. Honestly, It made me a little suspicous. Because given our Creator is loving and loves all His children, it didn't make sense. Many of us had a really challenging life, did God really want us to go through all these horrible feelings once again to feel His Divine Love? I had another problem too. I couldn't pray because I didn't believe in God. I felt completely stucked - I was unwilling to feel my unpleasent emotions - and I couldn't pray. Where did that leave me? Well, outside of Gods love apparently. Lost. Doomed.
At the Divine Truth site there was a specific part I was constantly drawn to. The part where other ressources was listed. Here I found a link to The Padgett Messages. After reading some of the messages I felt such a relief. Coming back to the Divine Truth site I realized that a man called Joseph Babinsky had done a lot of work to compile these messages. There was a picture of this man with A.J. Miller and a note saying: "Joseph Babinsky has asked to be removed from the site". This was very interesting and made me very curious.
Searching for more information on Joseph Babinsky brought me to "A Spiritual Journey" with the note on the front page: "If you arrived here, seeking information about A.J. Miller, please read this link". I read the link and just knew I had found the right place - finally.
This is how "My Great Experiment" started. An experiment with Prayer.
It sounded simple just to pray. At first. Maybe too good to be true? I had in a way lived "The A.J. Miller" - way, and it has actually brought me somewhere. Having oppressed my feelings during most of my life trying not to be seen, not to harm anyone, not to attract attention, it was really a great relief to begin feeling my emotions and expressing myself as it happened about ten years ago. To acknowledge feelings as a true source and a way to touch my own soul.
So - apparenly just by praying all my sins would be washed away. I would feel happy and no longer bounded to my past actions and emotions. Simple and easy.
But - if you want to feel this Divine Love, your Prayer must be honest and sincere. You must pray from the deepest of your heart, you must pray from your soul. And you can only do that if you believe God exists...
This was a great hurdle. I didn't believe in God, I never met him. I have only met other peoples different versions of God that I didn't like. Every religion, spiritual Path I have ever met wasn't really loving after all. There was always something that just didn't feel right.
So why keep on searching? Why not just accept that what you see is what you get? Why this endless longing?
This longing is telling me something. This longing is telling me that there is a place of belonging. A longing of being united by heart.
My hope and my longing keeps me moving on.
LOVE ALWAYS,
Connie
I trust the inner feeling
Something is changing. It is about honesty and being truthful.
Everyday I feel how being truthful is becoming more and more important to me. The pleaser in me is fading. It is as if pretending doesn't suit me anymore. As if fear is not that dominant anymore. Feelings seems like the only truth to follow - I can trust my feelings.
These days I cry everytime I pray and talk to God. Yesterday I cried for almost an hour, telling Him about my desire to know Him, asking Him to show me my way to do that? There were answers, but I was not sure if these answers were just my imagination.
He told me, that to know Him, I must know my own heart and soul. By that I will get to know Him.
Trust was another way to God. To trust the perfect order of everything.
Both sounds meaningful to me. If God did create my soul, getting to know my own heart and soul will take me to God. Sitting here everyday is a way to get to know my own soul. Trying to write down my feelings and reflections without too much interference. When I sit here I feel alive, I feel nourished.
It becomes difficult when I go out into the world. I feel overwhelmed and sometimes also really sad. I am sometimes not sure I want to be part of this world. I want to make it a better place and know I must make peace with myself to do this.
Yesterday I asked God for help to bring people into my life with whom I can share my feelings, my doubts and longing.
I am on day Five of The Akashic Construct Exercises. It is a training to reach deep alpha and it has an impact on me. I feel closer to my soul. I also experience dizziness and nausea. It is interesting that less than ten minutes with this exercise causes such an effect.
At the moment I am reading two books: Geoff Cutlers book "Is reincarnation an illusion" and Joseph Babinsky's "The Choice". Actually my way to Geoffs' site "A Spiritual Journey" and My Great Experiement was via Joseph Babinsky. All things works in mysterious ways. I want to share how it worked for me, because I feel this is a wonderful example of Divine Guidance.
A few months ago I was recommended by a friend to take a look at A.J. Millers site about Divine Truth and started to watch his videos on YouTube. It didn't really interest me whether A.J. Miller was Jesus reincarnated or not, but it was my first experience with the Divine Love and the Praying for Divine Love and it touched me deeply. What I didn't feel very comfortable about was the need to experience all my past sins and faults and oppressed feelings to actually be able to receive Divine Love. I was told it was because of my unwillingness to feel deep into the core of these emotions. Honestly, It made me a little suspicous. Because given our Creator is loving and loves all His children, it didn't make sense. Many of us had a really challenging life, did God really want us to go through all these horrible feelings once again to feel His Divine Love? I had another problem too. I couldn't pray because I didn't believe in God. I felt completely stucked - I was unwilling to feel my unpleasent emotions - and I couldn't pray. Where did that leave me? Well, outside of Gods love apparently. Lost. Doomed.
At the Divine Truth site there was a specific part I was constantly drawn to. The part where other ressources was listed. Here I found a link to The Padgett Messages. After reading some of the messages I felt such a relief. Coming back to the Divine Truth site I realized that a man called Joseph Babinsky had done a lot of work to compile these messages. There was a picture of this man with A.J. Miller and a note saying: "Joseph Babinsky has asked to be removed from the site". This was very interesting and made me very curious.
Searching for more information on Joseph Babinsky brought me to "A Spiritual Journey" with the note on the front page: "If you arrived here, seeking information about A.J. Miller, please read this link". I read the link and just knew I had found the right place - finally.
This is how "My Great Experiment" started. An experiment with Prayer.
It sounded simple just to pray. At first. Maybe too good to be true? I had in a way lived "The A.J. Miller" - way, and it has actually brought me somewhere. Having oppressed my feelings during most of my life trying not to be seen, not to harm anyone, not to attract attention, it was really a great relief to begin feeling my emotions and expressing myself as it happened about ten years ago. To acknowledge feelings as a true source and a way to touch my own soul.
So - apparenly just by praying all my sins would be washed away. I would feel happy and no longer bounded to my past actions and emotions. Simple and easy.
But - if you want to feel this Divine Love, your Prayer must be honest and sincere. You must pray from the deepest of your heart, you must pray from your soul. And you can only do that if you believe God exists...
This was a great hurdle. I didn't believe in God, I never met him. I have only met other peoples different versions of God that I didn't like. Every religion, spiritual Path I have ever met wasn't really loving after all. There was always something that just didn't feel right.
So why keep on searching? Why not just accept that what you see is what you get? Why this endless longing?
This longing is telling me something. This longing is telling me that there is a place of belonging. A longing of being united by heart.
My hope and my longing keeps me moving on.
LOVE ALWAYS,
Connie
I trust the inner feeling
Day Ten
November 16, 2011
This is one of those days I just want to skip. To just erase. To just forget about.
I feel anxious, sad, kind of depressed, like some very sad feelings are just under the surface. I feel a lot of resistance too. I feel like my mind is constantly trying to pull me in a direction where another part of me definetely don't wanna go. It is difficult to feel in contact with my heart and soul. I feel frustrated, like I don't even want to sit here. But I do, because I know this feeling is a sign. A sign of a shift taking place inside me. My internal battle. My struggling with this new path.
I must make friends with this battle. I must embrace it. This softness I am avoiding is the true essence of myself. My fears, my doubts - are also a part of me. Embracing these feelings, making them my companions. It is just signs of lack of love - a place where truth may enter. "There is a crack in everything - that's how the light gets in" (Leonard Cohen).
It is a battle between different parts of me. Which yet is all me. What part will take the lead is up to my decision. I choose heart and soul.
Choosing a random page in the beautiful book "When I Loved Myself Enough" by Kim McMillen:
"When I loved myself enough - I could remember during times of confusion, struggle or grief, that these too are part of me and deserve my love" - so much a reflection of this day...
Ego mind, I wrote you a poem some time ago. A poem to tell you I love you and appreciate you, and I need you also. But every part of me MUST be in service to Love, you also. We are not separate.
♥♥♥
Love always,
Connie
This is one of those days I just want to skip. To just erase. To just forget about.
I feel anxious, sad, kind of depressed, like some very sad feelings are just under the surface. I feel a lot of resistance too. I feel like my mind is constantly trying to pull me in a direction where another part of me definetely don't wanna go. It is difficult to feel in contact with my heart and soul. I feel frustrated, like I don't even want to sit here. But I do, because I know this feeling is a sign. A sign of a shift taking place inside me. My internal battle. My struggling with this new path.
I must make friends with this battle. I must embrace it. This softness I am avoiding is the true essence of myself. My fears, my doubts - are also a part of me. Embracing these feelings, making them my companions. It is just signs of lack of love - a place where truth may enter. "There is a crack in everything - that's how the light gets in" (Leonard Cohen).
It is a battle between different parts of me. Which yet is all me. What part will take the lead is up to my decision. I choose heart and soul.
Choosing a random page in the beautiful book "When I Loved Myself Enough" by Kim McMillen:
"When I loved myself enough - I could remember during times of confusion, struggle or grief, that these too are part of me and deserve my love" - so much a reflection of this day...
Ego mind, I wrote you a poem some time ago. A poem to tell you I love you and appreciate you, and I need you also. But every part of me MUST be in service to Love, you also. We are not separate.
Tribute to
my ego
I love you,
ego
I will
listen to your fears
I will
embrace you
You have
been taken care of me for so long
I have
decided though
To let our
heart lead our way from now on
After all
What we
both want
Is for me
to be happy
And our
heart knows our way
So let us
surrender
Into that
knowing
I love you,
ego
Always
♥♥♥
Love always,
Connie
Day Nine
November 15, 2011
It has been sixteen days since I started "My Great Experiment". I haven't been writing everyday which is why this is only my day Nine of the experiment. Every day I sit down with the intention to talk to God. And Immediately I feel like crying. A kind of sadness overwhelms me and I sit with these feelings and maybe God is with me too.
Three days ago I started using The Akashic Construct. I listen to this exercise every morning and then I sit with God and my journal. It is only about ten minutes of deep relaxation and a good preparation. After this exercise I feel relaxed and in a good state for writing.
I use hours every day to read about Divine Love. It feels true. It feels like it fills a place in my heart which has felt empty until now. At the same time there is doubts, questions and fears that keeps coming up. Many things contradicts my earlier beliefs but it doesn't make me want to look away, instead I want to read more to find answers to my questions.
This is just my new beginning.
Yesterday three books arrived in my mailbox. Again I must recommend A Spiritual Journey. Looking through the book recommendations and reviews I found these three books which I felt immediately attracted to:
"When I loved myself enough" by Kim McMillen
"The Choice" by Joseph Babinsky
"Love Without End" by Glenda Green
The first books title "When I loved myself enough" spoke directly to me. It stirs up a lot of stuff inside. I never loved myself enough. With this book I faced myself and my own self-hatred again. I see this as an opportunity to become aware of this unbalance.
Now it is difficult for me to admit that I hated myself. I even blame myself for this. But I also notice that I write in the past tense which means that I do not hate myself (that much) anymore. I always tried to make everybody happy. I wanted people to feel good about themselves. To love themselves.
I even think that most people who knows me will say I am a kind and loving person. And I might even have considered myself as such.
But some years ago I discovered a horrible truth about myself. I didn't love other people. I just wanted them to love me - no matter what. So I was just a great pretender trying to please everybody just to make them love me. During these years I realized that I couldn't love other people in an honest and unconditional way without loving myself first.
That was yet another scarry truth about myself. Not that it felt like a surprise to me that I did not love myself. I felt the horror of those feelings every single moment of my life.
The scarry thing about it was that to REALLY love other people I must love myself FIRST. Wow. That was scarRY and felt impossible.
My journey to love myself rises from this longing to love other humans. To love without limits. To love without conditions. The love that comforts. The love that surrounds everything. The love where you can rest and feel safe. The love that accepts every aspect of the human being. The love that accepts everything we hate about ourselves. All our secrets and lies. The love that sets us free as the loving beings we truly are.
I want to love like that. But just being aware of this imbalance in myself didn't make me feel this love. Why?
This is my journey. I am this journey. We are not our story.
Maybe I am getting closer. I must embrace myself first. I must love myself enough.
Love always,
Connie
It has been sixteen days since I started "My Great Experiment". I haven't been writing everyday which is why this is only my day Nine of the experiment. Every day I sit down with the intention to talk to God. And Immediately I feel like crying. A kind of sadness overwhelms me and I sit with these feelings and maybe God is with me too.
Three days ago I started using The Akashic Construct. I listen to this exercise every morning and then I sit with God and my journal. It is only about ten minutes of deep relaxation and a good preparation. After this exercise I feel relaxed and in a good state for writing.
I use hours every day to read about Divine Love. It feels true. It feels like it fills a place in my heart which has felt empty until now. At the same time there is doubts, questions and fears that keeps coming up. Many things contradicts my earlier beliefs but it doesn't make me want to look away, instead I want to read more to find answers to my questions.
This is just my new beginning.
Yesterday three books arrived in my mailbox. Again I must recommend A Spiritual Journey. Looking through the book recommendations and reviews I found these three books which I felt immediately attracted to:
"When I loved myself enough" by Kim McMillen
"The Choice" by Joseph Babinsky
"Love Without End" by Glenda Green
The first books title "When I loved myself enough" spoke directly to me. It stirs up a lot of stuff inside. I never loved myself enough. With this book I faced myself and my own self-hatred again. I see this as an opportunity to become aware of this unbalance.
Now it is difficult for me to admit that I hated myself. I even blame myself for this. But I also notice that I write in the past tense which means that I do not hate myself (that much) anymore. I always tried to make everybody happy. I wanted people to feel good about themselves. To love themselves.
I even think that most people who knows me will say I am a kind and loving person. And I might even have considered myself as such.
But some years ago I discovered a horrible truth about myself. I didn't love other people. I just wanted them to love me - no matter what. So I was just a great pretender trying to please everybody just to make them love me. During these years I realized that I couldn't love other people in an honest and unconditional way without loving myself first.
That was yet another scarry truth about myself. Not that it felt like a surprise to me that I did not love myself. I felt the horror of those feelings every single moment of my life.
The scarry thing about it was that to REALLY love other people I must love myself FIRST. Wow. That was scarRY and felt impossible.
My journey to love myself rises from this longing to love other humans. To love without limits. To love without conditions. The love that comforts. The love that surrounds everything. The love where you can rest and feel safe. The love that accepts every aspect of the human being. The love that accepts everything we hate about ourselves. All our secrets and lies. The love that sets us free as the loving beings we truly are.
I want to love like that. But just being aware of this imbalance in myself didn't make me feel this love. Why?
This is my journey. I am this journey. We are not our story.
Maybe I am getting closer. I must embrace myself first. I must love myself enough.
Love always,
Connie
Day Eight
November 13, 2011
For the last days I have been absorbed in daily activities and haven´t taken my time to sit quiet and listen to my heart.
My heart has felt hard and maybe that is because I haven't been praying. I have been angry and frustrated, I have felt alone and lonely, not able to reach out to anyone. I have sad feelings inside, I grief some recent losses. Maybe I have been busying myself out of fear of feeling these losses?
What happens is that I become angry with myself. I feel guilt and shame for not being loving and peaceful. And I act out these feelings on people I love.
At the same time I have had all these thoughts about myself, voices telling me I am crazy to follow my heart and not listen to other peoples advice. I get fears about economy. I fear I might be very lonely when there are old friends I no longer want to spend time with.
And I haven't asked God for help and I haven't been praying. I have been very doubtful that God really exists and that all this praying and longing to know God is just pure escapism. A way of looking for hope when everything and everyone around just feels wrong. When I feel misplaced and feeling no meaning to anything.
It is like someone is sitting on my heart, making it very difficult to breathe. And I cannot even ask for help. Maybe it is a feeling of unworthiness, blaming myself, feeling guilty, being out of harmony with love. Maybe all this makes it impossible to talk to God? Maybe I really want a sign or something that could convince me that God exists? Maybe I am afraid of such a sign?
I started today to listen to The Akashic Construct Instructions. It is a CD to "Learn How To Contact Your Celestial Guides". The CD contains three different exercises, guided meditations. Every exercise is to be practiced seven days. This is yet another way to become happy and live a more meaningful life. I haven't been able to feel contact to my Celestial Guides and Angels and I feel it would be very helpful to actually feel this contact.
So I am getting to know God and my Guides and Angels.
LOVE ALWAYS,
Connie
For the last days I have been absorbed in daily activities and haven´t taken my time to sit quiet and listen to my heart.
My heart has felt hard and maybe that is because I haven't been praying. I have been angry and frustrated, I have felt alone and lonely, not able to reach out to anyone. I have sad feelings inside, I grief some recent losses. Maybe I have been busying myself out of fear of feeling these losses?
What happens is that I become angry with myself. I feel guilt and shame for not being loving and peaceful. And I act out these feelings on people I love.
At the same time I have had all these thoughts about myself, voices telling me I am crazy to follow my heart and not listen to other peoples advice. I get fears about economy. I fear I might be very lonely when there are old friends I no longer want to spend time with.
And I haven't asked God for help and I haven't been praying. I have been very doubtful that God really exists and that all this praying and longing to know God is just pure escapism. A way of looking for hope when everything and everyone around just feels wrong. When I feel misplaced and feeling no meaning to anything.
It is like someone is sitting on my heart, making it very difficult to breathe. And I cannot even ask for help. Maybe it is a feeling of unworthiness, blaming myself, feeling guilty, being out of harmony with love. Maybe all this makes it impossible to talk to God? Maybe I really want a sign or something that could convince me that God exists? Maybe I am afraid of such a sign?
I started today to listen to The Akashic Construct Instructions. It is a CD to "Learn How To Contact Your Celestial Guides". The CD contains three different exercises, guided meditations. Every exercise is to be practiced seven days. This is yet another way to become happy and live a more meaningful life. I haven't been able to feel contact to my Celestial Guides and Angels and I feel it would be very helpful to actually feel this contact.
So I am getting to know God and my Guides and Angels.
LOVE ALWAYS,
Connie
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